


spoke your truth with no secrets (use your heart while it's beating)

by lietomelou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Car Accident, Harry is Confused, M/M, Pining, liam is helpful, louis and harry have a child, louis is heart broken, mentions of dan deakin, mentions of hannah - Freeform, mentions of x-factor, niall and harry get closer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-07 21:58:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lietomelou/pseuds/lietomelou
Summary: "I love you more than you'll ever remember."The year is 2020, and everything is going good.  The boys are back and have released dates for their reunion tour, Harry and Louis have been together for four years and they've finally started a family.  Everything changes when the boys are leaving their debut concert; their driver runs a red light and the car is t-boned, Harry taking the brunt of the damage.  They're all taken to the hospital, and after a few grueling days, Harry awakes from his unconscious state.  His memory goes as far as when the  boys were put together on the X Factor ten years ago.  Louis wants so badly to tell Harry how things are now, but the doctors advise him to let the younger figure it out on his own.  Louis doesn't know if he can live without him, but if Harry doesn't remember, he may have to learn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi hi i'm terrified of how this will go. please don't judge too harshly !! i tried so hard, but also feel free to leave constructive criticism !! please enjoy, much love xx

The boys were sweaty and high on adrenaline, their smiles not falling from their faces as they piled into the car.  Harry sighed softly, shutting the door behind him and leaning on Louis' shoulder, letting the older wrap him up in his arms.  "That was amazing, lads!" Niall exclaimed, the other boys whooping in agreement. "It's been a long time coming,” Liam added, Louis pulling Harry closer and kissing the top of his head.  “Did you text mum?” Harry asked quietly, Louis’ body shaking with a small chuckle.

“Ilya is fast asleep with a full belly, love.  Everything is fine.” He answered just as quiet, Harry visibly relaxing in his arms.  “It’s just...it’s the first time we’ve left him with someone else for the night, you can’t blame me for being a little bit worried.”  The boys continued to banter quietly, laughing starting to come to a halt as the adrenaline rush tired them out. It was silent for a few minutes, just the quiet hum of the car and the sound of cars driving by them.  It seemed like everyone in the world was in a rush, except for them. They finally thought it was the right time to come back, and show the fans everything they wanted to bring.

It was almost euphoric, really.  For the fans and the boys, Louis especially.  He thrived around these three boys. His album was still streaming, the fans pretty keen on _Always You_ , obviously.  He sighed and closed his eyes, just basking in the comfortable silence - until it was gone.

He had heard Liam scream first, felt Niall scramble across the car and Harry hold him tighter before he realized something was wrong.  The entire car flipped, all of the boys shouting out in pain and fear as they skidded on the road. Louis had clenched his eyes shut in the moment, too afraid to watch everything that had happened.

When he opened his eyes again, he could feel the blood rushing to his head - the car was upside down.  A scream ripped through the air, and it wasn’t until his throat felt raw that he realized it was him. He heard whimpers from the other boys when his screaming died down, his arm crushed between Harry and the door.  Fuck, Harry! He turned his head, staring down at his boy.

There was blood coming from Harry’s head, and a lot of it.  The red liquid began clumping his curls and staining Louis’ arm.  “Harry!” He shouted, trying desperately to pull his arm from in between the car and the limp body in his arms.  He succeeded, a high cry leaving his lips at the pain burning up his arm. He unbuckled himself, catching himself and cutting his hands in the broken glass, but he didn’t care.  “Liam,” he sobbed, turning to look at his best friend who had gotten the same idea as him. Liam had unbuckled Niall and rested him safely on the ground below them.

The brunette was unconscious, but otherwise only had a few cuts and bruises as far as Louis could see.  Liam was clutching his side, his eyebrow cut and bleeding, he was sporting a busted lip. Louis couldn’t even imagine how bad he looked.  Liam understood his sob and crawled forward, unbuckling Harry gently and slowly lowering him onto the ceiling of the car. Louis held the younger’s head in his lap, the blood soaking and warming his trousers as he sobbed.  “Call 999, Liam! Call someone! He’s dying!” He shrieked, clutching Harry’s hand tightly, holding it to his mouth and praying for the first time him months.

_Don’t take him from me, please.  God, don’t take him from me, he’s my life._

He barely noticed the sound of the siren in the background as his sobs raked his body, making him shake and convulse in pathetic hiccups.  He didn’t notice that Niall’s eyes had slowly fluttered open, and there were tears already falling from his eyes from the pain. He jumped as the doors were pried open and paramedics were talking loudly to him.  His ears were ringing as they pulled Harry from him and placed him on a gurney.

Louis finally came to his senses enough to crawl out of the car and limp as fast as he could to the ambulance.  “I’m riding with him,” he mumbled, the paramedics nodding and helping him into the back. As soon as the doors shut, the vehicle was speeding off and there was chaos happening in front of him.  He answered the many questions they had asked him, but his eyes never left the boy laying on the gurney. Harry’s chest was moving in short, slow movements that had Louis’ chest aching.

When they arrived to the hospital, Louis was told to wait in an empty room until they got Harry stabilized.  As soon as he sat down, his arm started throbbing and he let the tears fall. He sobbed so hard he lost his breath, his body shook so hard he slammed his hand over the nurse button.  Two nurses rushed in, and then Louis’ vision went black.

 

He woke up with his arm casted and an IV attached to his other arm.  The beeping of the machines around him brought him back to reality. Louis sat up, wincing at the forming bruises at his sides.  He slid the needle from his arm with a small whimper and stepped out of the bed. He needed to find Harry, like now. He was glad that the doctors changed his clothes and didn’t put him in that God-forsaken hospital gown.  He winced with every step as he stepped out of the room and checked all rooms on his floor.

As soon as he reached the end of the hall, he knew that’s where Harry was.  He pushed the door open, his breath catching in his throat at the sight before him.  Harry looked bad. His skin was a lighter tone than usual, his eyelids and under eyes a dark shade of purple .  There was a little bit of dried blood on his forehead, but it seems they had gotten most of it cleaned off. He stepped further into the room, closing the door softly and hearing the beeping of the machines.

“Lou.”  Louis almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of another person’s voice, but he relaxed slightly when seeing Anne sitting next to Harry in the chair by the bed.  He walked towards her slowly, sitting next to her and instinctively reaching for Harry;s hand. He held it tightly, biting his lip and keeping his head down.

“I could have saved him,” he whispered, Anne sniffling and wrapping her arm around him.  “Don’t talk like that, baby.” She whispered, Louis shaking his head and leaning into her touch.  “I should have sat on that side, Anne. I should be in this bed, he should be able to walk away with just a cast and a bandaid.”  Anne hugged him tighter, and Louis ignored the stinging pain in his arm as he sobbed into her chest.

“No one knew this would happen, Louis.  Don’t blame yourself. You did all you could and I’d never ask more of you.”  Louis shook his head and continued, ignoring what she had to say. “I’m supposed to protect him, I’m supposed to take care of him.”  His head shot up then, staring at Anne with fear in his eyes. “Where’s Ilya?” He asked her, voice quiet. “Dan has him, dear. I’d never leave him without someone, you know that.” She said softly, her soft hand rubbing firmly up and down his back.

Louis relaxed a bit, then the sobs started wracking his body.  “Is he gonna be okay? I can’t go on without him, Anne. I can’t raise Ilya alone.  I need him,” he sobbed, his voice wet and pathetic. “Baby, I promise you everything will be okay.  The doctors told me he was stable, he’s going to be okay. His body is just keeping him unconscious right now as it tries to heal.  They said he should wake up soon.”

Louis nodded, his heart still aching as he clutched his boy’s hand.  This was all so surreal, he couldn’t understand. “How long has it been since the accident?” He asked her quietly, his thumb rubbing over the back of his hand as he spoke.  “Three days,” she said quietly, another small sob leaving Louis’ lips. Three days. The tabloids were everywhere by now, and Louis would bet anyone a million dollars that they’d been trending on Twitter since, Harry specifically.  He could just see it;

 

**_BREAKING NEWS: ONE DIRECTION CAR ACCIDENT, ALL FOUR MEMBERS HOSPITALIZED, HARRY STYLES IN COMA_ **

 

_SHORTLY AFTER THEIR REUNION CONCERT ON THE EVE OF JUNE 25 2020, THE BOYBAND WAS IN A HORRIFIC ACCIDENT ON THEIR WAY BACK TO THE HOTEL.  HARRY STYLES, 27, TOOK THE BRUNT OF THE DAMAGE AND SOURCES SAY HE’S BEEN UNCONSCIOUS SINCE THE ACCIDENT…_

 

Louis sighed softly and looked back to Harry, his throat tight and his face wet.  He couldn’t believe this, this could have been avoided. “How’s Tom?” He asked quietly, totally forgetting about the driver.  “Died on impact,” Anne told him quietly. Louis nodded, making a mental note to send his regards to the man’s family.

He opens his mouth to say something else, his voice stopping in his throat as the hand in his tightens.  His head shoots towards the bed, Harry’s eyebrows are furrowed, his mouth pinched in a wince. “Nurse!” Anne yells, jumping from the chair and rushing towards the door.  “We need a nurse right now!” Louis’ eyes never leave Harry’s, his heart racing and tears pooling in his eyes. The younger’s eyes finally open, and he shuts them momentarily as he adjusts to the light.

“Hazza,” Louis whispers, Harry grunting quietly.  “M’Head hurts,” he mumbles, Louis laughing wetly and holding his hand to his mouth, kissing it softly.  Harry opened his eyes and looked over at Louis, frowning slightly. He opens his mouth to say something, but in a burst of relief Louis leans forward and kisses his mouth.  He pulls away, Harry staring at the older with wide eyes and red cheeks. Anne rushes in that moment with two nurses behind her. They immediately checked Harry’s vitals.

Harry slowly pulled his hand from Louis’ grasp and looked at Anne.  “Mum,” he said quietly, his eyes not leaving Louis. Louis didn’t know why, but his heart started aching again as Harry slowly averted his eyes.  Anne looked down at him with wet eyes and smiled. “Yes, love.” Harry looked back to Louis, biting his lip as his cheeks burned. “Why did you kiss me?” He asked him, Louis’ lip beginning to quiver.   _No_ , he thought desperately.  “Who am I to you?” He asked quietly, Harry frowning.  “Louis Tomlinson,” he said simply. “No, Harry. Who am I to _you_ ?” He asked again, Harry’s frown deepening.  “We just got put together on the X-Factor, Louis.”   _Oh no._  “Haz, what year is it?”  Anne asked him quietly. Harry bit his lip in confusion, thinking as hard as he could.

 

“2010."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay sooooooo i tried but this chapter is a fucking rollercoaster and idk how to explain myself lmao

The next few hours were a whirlwind for everyone.  It seemed like everyone and their brother heard about the accident (which wasn’t unlikely), because everyone Louis has met since he’s been in the band was standing in Harry’s hospital room.  Zayn was there, Louis’ sisters and brother, Kendall and Taylor even stopped by with flowers and a card. Kendall had left after a picture of her and Harry, which Louis thought was ridiculous, but Taylor stuck around for almost an hour telling Harry how happy she was that he was okay.

Louis wasn’t going to lie, he’d never been fond of Taylor, but right there, with Harry smiling and laughing with her, he couldn’t help but smile as well.  After a few hours, everyone but the boys had left, and Harry was confused as to why there was a bit of tension between Zayn and the rest of them. “I’m not in the band anymore, Haz.” He had said softer than Louis’ ever heard Zayn talk.  

Harry was told after a while that it was actually 2020, and that's why he was covered in tattoos.  “We were all in this, right?” Harry asked, his voice small and sad. Everyone nodded, Liam being the one to speak.  “Of course, we didn’t want Zayn to be unhappy anymore. It was his decision, but we supported it.” Zayn had glanced over at Liam with a small smile, his cheeks tinted red as he nodded.

“Yeah, you guys were pretty damn awesome and supportive.  Well, until I made an absolute tit of myself on Twitter, but then we all made up and everything is good.”  Harry had nodded then, and glanced over at Louis, biting his lip. “You still haven’t told me why you kissed me.”  The room went quiet then, and Louis had to refrain from leaping out of a window to save himself from embarrassment.

 

_ “You have to let Harry remember things on his own, or else he’s going to feel pressured into acting the way he did before the accident.”  Louis held onto Liam for dear life, crying softly into his shoulder as the doctor spoke. “So what you’re saying is, I have to pretend that Harry is nothing more than a friend to me until his memory magically just reappears?” Louis spit, Liam running his hand over his back softly to comfort him. _

_ The doctor looked at him sadly and sighed.  “Act the way you did before you guys became a couple, Louis.  It’s for Harry’s sake.” The doctor told him quietly, Louis chuckling weakly.  “Okay, so ridiculous pining is fine, but I’m not allowed to hold him and kiss him the way I’m used to, sounds fan-fucking-tastic.” _

_ He pulled away from Liam then, turning and walking off down the hall to compose himself.  He wanted so desperately to call his mum and ask her for advice, but he knew that would be impossible. Instead, he called Lottie.  She had answered on the first ring, asking if Louis were alright. He sobbed pathetically into the phone, thankful to be in the semi-privacy of the bathroom stall he had wandered into. _

_ “He doesn’t remember me, Lots.  He doesn’t remember what we had.” He told her, a soft sigh coming from the other end.   _ “Lou, everything’s going to be alright, he’ll remember you soon.”   _ “Don’t tell me that, it could be years before he remembers.  He thinks it’s 2010 Lottie, how the hell is he going to remember the fact that we have a fucking baby soon.” _

_ The conversation had gone on like that until Lottie had calmed him enough for his sniffles to come in shorter bursts than before, and he slowly composed himself and left the bathroom. _

 

“I was relieved, Harry.  People do crazy things when they’re relieved.”  It killed him to say that, it really did. Harry frowned further, sitting up in his bed and wincing slightly.  “You kissed my hand, Louis.” He pointed out, the other boys turning and looking at him expectantly. Louis stood in that moment, emotional and about to break.  “I don’t have to explain myself,” he said quietly, his voice cracking as he rushed from the room and to the lift. He needed to get out of here, and soon.

A hand stopped the doors from closing, pushing it open to reveal Liam.  He stepped in, pressed the button to take them to the lobby, and stood next to Louis quietly.  “You need to be more patient with him, Lou.” Liam spoke softly, Louis scoffing and crossing his arms.  “I need to be patient? The love of my life and the father of our son doesn’t remember who I really am to him, and you’re expecting me to be patient?!”

Liam held his arms open, and without hesitation, Louis stepped into them and buried his face into his best friend’s chest.  “I know it’s hard, Louis. Do you know how many comments Niall’s had to hold back because Harry doesn’t know you to are together?  Do you know how awkward it was sitting in that room with Zayn when Harry had no idea that the two of us had a rough end, or were together in the first place?” He said softly, Louis hugging Liam tighter.

Liam sighed, running his hand up and down Louis’ back firmly.  “We all know it’s hard for you, Louis. We know how obsessed with each other you two were, and we’re sorry that it can’t be that way yet, but you have to understand that it’s hard for us too.”  Louis cried quietly, probably soaking the front of Liam’s shirt and maybe dampening his bandages, but he nodded. “I know, I’m sorry.” He whispered, pulling away and wiping at his eyes when the lift doors opened.  “I’m being selfish, and I shouldn’t take it out on any of you.”

Liam followed Louis out of the lift and to the cafeteria.  “The food here is awful,” Liam whispered to him, making Louis chuckle.  “That’s not surprising.” If Louis were honest, he really wasn’t hungry at all.  In fact, the thought of food was making him more nauseous than anything. Instead of worrying Liam though, he had grabbed a tray and thanked the sweet woman for giving him his food.  He followed the younger to an empty, secluded booth so they could talk and eat without being bombarded by questions.

Louis took a bite of his apple, licking the sweet juice from his lips and wiping his face with the sleeve of his gray jumper.  “What happened to you and Niall after the crash?” He asked quietly, looking up at his best mate with concern. Liam shrugged and took a bite of the sandwich he was given, scrunching his nose in disgust at the taste.  “I have a few cracked ribs, busted lip, my eyebrow needed stitched, and my wrist was dislocated.” He said through a mouthful of lettuce and bread. “Niall had a slight concussion, his Achille’s tendon was torn and a few of his molers were cracked.” He said with a small sigh.  

“Fuck, what the hell was Tom thinking?” Louis asked quietly, putting his head in his free hand.  “Tom was drunk, Lou.” Louis’ head shot up and he stared at Liam. “He was drunk?!” Liam nodded, taking a sip of his water bottle.  “The police told Niall and me when they took Tom for his autopsy that he had heavy amounts of liquor in his system.” Louis ran a hand through his hair, staring down at the table.  “Jesus,” was all he responded with. “He ran a red light, and we were t-boned. That’s what the official report says.”

“Let’s stop talking about this, alright?  It’s making my head hurt.” Liam held his hands up in mock defense before continuing to eat.  Louis couldn’t stop thinking about it. How could they all have been so irresponsible? He sat with Liam in silence as they ate, the buzz of the hospital cafeteria blocking out any thoughts they didn’t want.

 

“Did I, um.  Did I hurt your feelings earlier?”  Louis looked up from the book he was reading to look at Harry’s concerned face, shadowed from the pale lighting of the hospital room.  “What do you mean?” He asked him, his eyebrows furrowed. “When I pushed you to answer my question,” he said softly.  _ Yes _ , Louis thought.  He shook his head though, not wanting to upset the younger.  “No, of course not. Everything has just been...stressful, you know?  I kissed you because I was relieved and I couldn’t help it, like how people who’ve been on a boat for a long ass time kiss the sand?” He explained, his stomach twisting with every word.

“I was kissing your hand because you and I are just affectionate like that.  It’s kind of our trademark, and it’s why everyone loved our friendship during the  _ X Factor _ .”  Harry nodded slowly at that, then frowned.  “They don’t like our friendship anymore?” Louis bit his lip and dog-eared the page he was on.  “Not necessarily; Management had told us to chill with the affection, because it made us seem like we were in a relationship, and according to them that was a bad thing, even though half the fans thought it was cute.”

Harry hummed and rested back against his pillow.  “Whether we were in a relationship or not, or handlers shouldn’t put out there that being affectionate with your best friend automatically means they’re together, and especially not through us.  That seems super oppressing, and I’m gonna have a talk with Simon about it.” Louis chuckled humorlessly. “I tried, quite a few times. That man won’t listen to anyone except for his wife.” Harry stared at Louis with wide eyes.  “Someone married Simon?” He asked quietly, giggling to himself. “And  _ willingly _ ?!”  That sent them both into laughing fits, their giggles lasting until they were both gasping for air and clutching their sides.

“Surprisingly enough, he didn’t pay her.”  Harry snickered and shook his head. “As far as we know,” he said, Louis chuckling and picking up the glass of water on the table and taking a sip.  “Lou, is that really the only reason you kissed me?” Louis blushed furiously, almost choking on the water. He looked at Harry, a desperate look on his face.  Louis didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to say to that. He wanted so very much to look Harry in the face and tell him their story.

Tell him how in love with him he is, and how he’s been in love with him since he was eighteen years old with their awful haircuts and squeaky voices.  God, he so badly wanted to tell him about the first time Louis kissed him, and how he knew he never wanted to kiss or hold or look at anyone like that ever again.

“Yeah, Harry.  That’s the only reason.”


	3. Chapter 3

Louis stayed with Harry the entire time he was in the hospital, only moving from his spot to shower, use the loo, visit Ilya, and change his clothes.  He and Harry giggled like school girls the entire time too, and Louis couldn’t help the fond way he stared at Harry.

He was so used to the way he used to act with him, that it was hard to stop himself from reaching out to touch his hair or to stop himself from wanting to climb in that bed with him and cuddle him to sleep.  They occasionally watched  _ Friends _ on Liam’s phone (his was the only one that wasn’t shattered after the accident), and other times Harry had slouched over the bed desperately trying to hide his face when they watched  _ American Horror Story _ .   _ “Why did they make this show?”  _ Harry had cried into his shoulder after finishing  _ Asylum _ .   _ “It’s so vulgar and sad.” _

Louis had held him as tight as he could for as long as he needed to, biting his lip softly as Harry sniffled into his shoulder.   _ “The shock factor is the whole point of the show, that’s why people love it.  They like to be scared and sad, it makes them feel alive.” _  That was the last time they let Louis pick a show they used to watch together, because Harry wasn’t ready for that yet.  They hadn’t started watching the show until a year into their relationship, and even then, Harry cried and cowered into Louis’ shoulder half the time.

Next, they rewatched the first season of  _ Jane the Virgin _ , because Harry insisted.  “C’mon, this show is basically like what to expect when you’re expecting, but like featuring a crazy bitch.”  Louis had laughed at that, and rested his head on Harry’s shoulder as they watched. Harry would giggle and squeal at certain parts, squeezing Louis’ arm like he did when they watched it the first time.

 

It had been three weeks after the accident when the doctor gave them the news.  “Harry, you’re free to go home. You may sign yourself out as soon as you’re ready,”  Harry had hugged Louis tightly after hearing those words, tears in his eyes. “I still don’t remember anything though,” Harry said quietly, wiping at his face.  “If you’re back into a familiar environment, it’ll trigger your memory,” he had told him, Harry nodding his head.

Louis was ecstatic, holding onto Harry as he and the doctor spoke to one another.  All Louis could think about is the fact that Harry could finally come home, and Louis could pick Ilya up from Dan’s and they could be a family again.  “I’m gonna call my mum,” Harry said, pulling away from Louis and reaching for Liam’s phone. Louis watched as Harry dialed Anne’s old number before he took the phone and quickly dialed the correct number.

Harry frowned in confusion as he pressed the call button, waiting patiently for his mother to answer.  “Mum, hi...it’s Liam’s phone...Yeah, the doctor told me that I could come home...Well, I was wondering if you could come pick me up?”  Louis frowned, about to open his mouth to ask why he wasn’t coming home with him. Then it hit him; Harry lived with his mum when they were on X Factor, of course he thinks he still lives there.

Louis took a drink of his water, choking it down as Harry finished the phone call with Anne before turning back and grinning at Louis.  “You’re still gonna visit me at Mum’s, right?” He asked him, biting his lip with red cheeks. Louis smiled small, his eyes stinging as he nodded.  “Yeah, of course. I always visit, even at random times. Mumma Anne loves me and my company,” He said playfully, Harry lightly nudging him as he started to get his things ready.  “We should probably get new phones and stuff of that sort, so we can um, text and call and hangout outside of everything.” He said, a shy smile on his lips. Louis grinned and rolled his eyes playfully.  “Haven’t even left yet and you already miss me,” he teased, his heart aching at the way Harry chuckled and continued sliding the sweater off of his torso. 

Louis stared as Harry changed, unabashed and not subtle at all.  He couldn’t help it, Harry was the love of his life and nothing could possibly change that.  As soon as Harry turned around, pulling at the bottom of his sweater, Louis averted his eyes, realizing how weird this actually was, and how weird it would be to Harry if he caught him.  “Staring, Tomlinson? Maybe those fangirls are right.” Christ, Louis wished that didn’t hurt as much as it did. He smiled anyways, shaking his head. “As much as the fans will disagree, you aren’t that pretty.”   _ Yes you are _ .

“Ouch, right in the ego.  I’m sure my solo album cover made them crazy, so nice try.”  Harry paused and turned around, his eyes wide.

“I remember,” he whispered, Louis’ heart racing.  “I had a solo album. We all did, and we all went on separate tours.  Y-Yours was the most recent to end,” he pointed to him, placing the tip of his finger right over Louis’ chest.  “Y-Yeah, do you remember anything else?” He asked desperately, gripping Harry’s arms. Harry stared down at him, his cheeks pink and his lips wet.  “I was at all of your shows,” he whispered, frowning slightly. “ _ Always You _ , that’s my favorite.  I don’t know what it is, it just...popped into my head.”  Louis stared at him, his eyes burning.

_ I love you _ , he wanted to scream.   _ You’re mine, I’m yours, we have a baby.  We’re a family.  _ Always You  _ is about you! _  He bit his lip and smiled sadly, looking down at the floor and nodding.  “Yeah, you always told me that a lot. You...you thought the lyrics were beautiful.”  Harry grinned and hugged Louis tightly, glancing up as the door opened. “Mum! I remembered something!”  Harry rushed away, leaving Louis to stare at the floor with tears burning in his eyes. Anne listened to Harry with bright eyes and a wide grin, looking over to Louis’ slumped figure every once in a while.

“Lou, love.  Are you alright?” She asked, Louis not turning and nodding his head.  “I’m fine, Anne. I’m just gonna head home,” he said softly. He finished the glass of water and turned, smiling and trying to make it as convincing as possible.  “Louis, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, wiping at his cheeks. Louis shook his head and wiped at his eyes roughly before smiling. “I’m fine, love. Don’t worry about it, I’ll see you when you get settled, alright?”  He hugged Harry and Anne before he left the room, rushing towards the lift.

As soon as the doors shut, he faced the floor, letting the small cries leave his lips as the lift moved down.  This sucked, so bad. He hated feeling this way, knowing that Harry can’t remember a day of their relationship.  That he can’t remember their family. Louis wiped at his face as the lift doors opened, and he stepped out of it and walked towards the front desk.  “Could I possibly use the phone?” He asked the nurse, the woman nodding with a concerned look.

_ “Cheryl speaking.” _  Louis bit his lip.  “Is Liam there? I know it’s his day with Bear.”  There was a slight shuffle on the other line before the man’s voice rang through.   _ “Lou?” _  Louis smiled softly even though he knew Liam couldn’t see over the receiver.  “I know it’s your day with Bear and I know it’s only been a few hours since you’ve gotten there, but I need a ride to Dan’s to get Ilya and a ride home, I’m so sor-”

_ “I’ll be at the hospital in five minutes, don’t apologize.  I’ll bring Bear with me, alright?” _

 

Louis walked into his flat, Ilya babbling playfully and rested on his hip.  “Liam, I really appreciate everything, honestly.” He told him, turning and smiling at the younger man, watching him pick up his three year old and rest him on his hip with ease.  Liam smiled and shrugged. “It’s no big deal, Lou. You’d do the same for me,” he pointed out, Louis nodding his head as he placed Ilya safely on the mat in the middle of the living room.  “I should probably clean up a little bit, do you mind watching him?” Liam shook his head as best as he could with Bear climbing over his shoulder like a monkey.

Louis chuckled and walked towards the kitchen, opening the dishwasher and starting to put away the clean dishes.  He opens the cabinet, but before he can reach forward, the plate falls from his hands and shatters against the floor.  That night flashed before his eyes, the sound of the car skidding across the pavement, and the sight of Harry bleeding out in front him.  He dropped to the floor, clenching his eyes shut and shaking violently. He yelled for Liam, his voice breaking towards the end as he clutched his legs to his chest and tried desperately to calm his breathing.  He can’t see Liam rush in and drop next to him, holding him tightly and rocking him back and forth as Louis sobs relentlessly into his knees

 

It takes over an hour for Louis to completely calm down, but his hands still shake slightly when Liam hands him a glass of water.  He doesn’t want to talk about his fit, and he doesn’t like the way Bear is looking at him, like he’s in need of care. He bites his lip and thanks Liam quietly, taking a sip as the lad sits down in front of him, sporting the same look as Bear.  The young boy is almost the spitting image of Liam, and it still startles Louis when he sees them mimicking each other unintentionally.

“What happened in there, Lou?” Liam asks him, Bear standing on the couch cushion to walk to his dad and sit next to him, watching Louis with his dark brown eyes.  “I dropped a plate, Liam.” He said simply, Liam sighing and putting his glass down. “Louis, don’t be a dick. What  _ happened _ in there?” He demanded, Louis looking down into his water cup.  He sniffled, wiping at his eyes to keep the tears from falling. “That night, Liam.” He whispered, feeling as the couch sank on both sides of him and feeling both boys’ arms around him.  “Was so bad, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

“Watching the life drain from his body right in front of me, that  _ killed _ a little piece of me.  And now that we can’t comfort each other the way we used to when horrible things happened, it fucking  _ sucks _ .” He whispered, hugging both of them with both arms, resting his head on top of Bear’s.  “Sorry for swearing, love. I’m just sad.” Bear shrugged his little shoulders and snuggled into Louis a little bit more.  Louis lifted his head, looking across the room at the bassinet with his sleeping baby boy in it, his heart aching for Harry even more.

“He’ll remember, Lou.”  Liam must have read Louis’ mind.  “He’ll remember you, and everything will go back to the way it was.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was a hard one to write bc i didn't know how i wanted it to flow, but i figured it out !! i hope you enjoy !!

Harry’s been home for a few weeks, and it’s been an odd experience.  Louis’ visited him almost everyday, rushing back home when his phone chimed (he brought Harry one too, even programmed all of the contacts in.  Harry had asked why there weren’t any pictures or notes, and Louis got all shifty-eyed as he told Harry that his iCloud wouldn’t transfer them), and texting him after an hour or so.

He noticed that Louis seemed sad when he came over.  He smiled and laughed and cuddled Harry like they used to, but there was always this barrier between them that Harry didn’t understand.  Louis would reach for his hand and then stop mid-way to act like he was actually just stretching. When they would cuddle, he would start to run his fingers through Harry’s hair, humming softly to a song they had apparently written together, and then his humming would stop and he’d stop playing with the younger’s hair.

It was starting to confuse Harry more than anything, because he was desperate for Louis’ touch, and he had no idea why.  There was just this nagging feeling in the back of his mind screaming that they needed to be around each other. His mum wasn’t any help either; any time he mentioned Louis acting weird, Anne would just shrug her shoulders and make an excuse of how she needed to clean the living room or she had to make dinner.

Anytime Harry would ask about his and Louis’ friendship, Anne would just tense up and act like he never asked.  It made him feel crazy, if he were honest. It made him feel like his mum was mocking him. After awhile he had stopped asking, and when Louis would come over, he’d shy away from any touches.

He didn’t like the way his heart jumped when Louis smiled at him, or the way he’d practically keen when Louis squeezed his hips from behind.  Okay, so he didn’t hate how he was reacting, he only hated the fact that he had no idea why he was reacting in such a weird way.

 

A month or so after Harry was released, he was fed up with the shrugs and wimpy excuses from his mum, so he waited for her to finish all chores she usually made a fuss about and stopped her in the hall.  “Mum, I need to talk to you.” He watched as all colour drained from her face. “W-What about, love?” She asked, walking past Harry to walk towards the living room. Harry followed her and sat down on the couch next to her, grabbing her hand and making her look at him.  

“I need to know why everytime Louis’ here, everyone is tense and cautious around me like I’m going to explode,” He demands, his voice shaky and light with emotion, his mum biting her lip and looking down.  “Honey, I’m not allowed to tell yo-”

“Don’t give me that!” Harry starts crying then, standing from the couch and walking towards the window.  “Mum, I’m so sick of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being treated like I’m wearing a caution sign. Would you please not be a worried mum for two seconds and just tell me what’s wrong with me?!”  When Harry turns back to face her, his face is hot and his eyes hurt from crying. His breathing is labored, every few breaths being small hiccups.

Anne has tears in her eyes, and Harry almost thinks it’s because he’s yelled at her, but he’s smarter than that.  He can see the hesitation in her eyes as she pats the couch next to her. “I’ll tell you, you just need to sit down.”  Harry almost didn’t. He almost stood still just be defiant because he was upset, but instead he sighed and walked over to the couch, plopping down onto it and looking at his mum.

Anne smiled weakly at him, leaning forward to kiss his forehead and wipe away the tears on his face.  “My darling baby boy,” she whispered, ruffling his hair and sighing quietly. “You and Louis were best friends, and you still are, surprisingly.  I don’t know if I’d ever be able to be best friends with someone for so long, and make a relationship work.” Harry frowned slightly. “Is Louis still with Hannah?” He asked quietly, Anne chuckling.

“No, honey.  That was a long, long time ago.  They broke up shortly after the X-Factor.” She explained, looking down at her hands.  “You always looked at Louis like he was the sun and stars all wrapped up in one,” she said, looking back up at Harry with a soft smile.  “You never said anything about him that would insinuate the feelings, but I’m your mum and I can tell when my children are in love.” Harry felt his heart jump at her words.  He couldn’t be in love with Louis, he couldn’t. Though it would make sense, the way his heart would flutter anytime Louis walked into Harry’s room on the rare days he wore his hair in a quiff.

“I remember watching the way you two would interact, and just smile because I knew that whatever Louis was saying, made my baby happy.  You texted me the night Louis told you how he felt, which didn’t really surprise me, because Jay would always tell me how Louis would go on and on about you to her.”  Harry saw how her smile wavered slightly. Harry was told Jay passed away a week or so ago, which triggered a few memories of spending Christmas with the Tomlinsons, and he had cried into Louis’ shoulder for a while, Louis sniffling too and holding him tightly.

“You guys have been together ever since.  You still live together, well, technically.” She told him.  Harry nodding slowly. He was thinking about everything that had happened, and it was all starting to make sense.  He knows why he yearns for Louis’ touch all the time, knows why he misses him so much when he leaves, even though he knows he’s going to see him the next day.  Harry looks at his mum, tears falling down his face. He leans into her, her arms immediately wrapping around him.

“I-I can’t remember, mum.  I want to remember so bad, but I can’t.”

 

Louis was sipping his tea and making funny faces at Ilya when Liam walked through the living room in just his boxers.  Louis raised an eyebrow as he watched him. “Li, my child doesn’t need to see you in all your glory,” he projected his voice, not missing the way Liam rubbed his face and held up his middle finger before he disappeared into the kitchen.  Louis chuckled and rolled his eyes, looking back to his baby and pulling another face, watching as his boy’s face scrunched in a high pitched giggle.

Louis ruffled his fingers through Ilya’s sparse hair, chuckling to himself and hugging the small boy to his chest.  When Liam walked back in, he was wearing Harry’s  _ Kiss the Cook _ apron to cover himself and sipping his tea.  Louis threw his head back and laughed, Liam shrugging his shoulders and sitting down on the sofa.  “So Cheryl picked Bear up this morning?” Louis asked, Liam nodding his head. “Yeah, I told her I could drop him off, but she insisted.”

He couldn’t help but hear the annoyance in Liam’s voice, but he left it alone.  They sat in silence for awhile, Louis taking his sleeping baby to the bassinet and laying him in gingerly.  He stood for a moment, looking down at his beautiful son and sighing. “Do you think Harry will ever remember?”  Louis didn’t turn, but he could hear Liam’s sigh, and that was enough.

“Don’t give me the whole ‘he’ll remember when he’s ready’ Liam, I don’t need it.  I need the fucking truth.” His voice was almost a whisper as he stared down at Ilya’s sleeping form.  He smiled softly, feeling Liam behind him. “I remember the day we adopted Ilya,” he said softly, resting his hand on the bassinet.  “He looked at us with those big eyes, and we just knew he was the one for us.” Liam placed his hand on Louis’ shoulder, squeezing lightly.  “Harry wouldn’t put him down when we brought him home, I had to put him in the bassinet when Harry fell asleep with him in his arms. Kept telling me that he’s gonna be a hit when we come out, how everyone’s gonna love him.”  His eyes were wet with tears when he turned around, Liam looking down at him sadly.

“It just, it feels like it’s been forever without him, even though it’s only been two months.  I...I can’t do this on my own, Liam.” Liam pulled him into his chest. Louis let everything out then, sobbing into Liam’s chest.  His skin was warm, which Louis was grateful for. He felt chilled to the bone every time he talked about Harry anymore. “It isn’t fair,” he whimpered, sniffling loudly as he clutched Liam tighter.  “I just, I love him so much, I can’t live without him for much longer.”

Liam rocked Louis slightly, rubbing his back to comfort him as he sobbed and just letting him get it all out of his system.  Louis was so grateful for Liam. There were times where Louis would be in bed, crying as quiet as possible as he laid on his side, leaving Harry’s side neat and made like he always had it, and Liam would come into his bedroom and sit next to him, humming and talking and singing, just to keep Louis’ mind off of it until he fell asleep.

“Lou,” he said softly.  “I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you need to.”  Louis looked up at him, frowning slightly. “When Zayn and I called it quits, it wasn’t because of stress from the band like we said.”  Louis nodded his head. He’d figured as much, the two were so in love it was disgusting, if Louis were honest, almost as bad as Harry and him were.  “We had come out, like you know, and there was a lot of support, there really was, but there was also loads of hate.

“Zayn and I couldn’t go out without people screaming at us, bashing us for stealing the other away from their girlfriend.”  He told him, Louis’ mouth open slightly in shock. “It hurt, a lot, but it affected Zayn more than it affected me. He’d cry into my chest at night, asking me why everyone was so awful, and why they couldn’t just accept the fact that Cheryl and Perrie understood and were supportive.  After awhile, Zayn brought up the idea.” Louis noticed that Liam’s breathing was labored, like he was trying to keep himself from crying.

“I hated it, of course, because I loved him and I didn’t want to be away from him just because a few snotty twats couldn’t accept us, but I could tell the hate was taking a toll on him, and I couldn’t watch him break down more and more.” He said, his chest shuddering slightly.  “So, we publicly announced our break up, Zayn left the band, started seeing Gigi, and Cheryl and I eventually got back together and had Bear. And as much as I love Zayn, I know that it won’t happen again because of how hard it really was.”

Louis blinked once, twice, thrice before he spoke.  “So, you’re telling me that if Harry remembers, we shouldn’t come out because of hate?”  Liam chuckles and shakes his head, wiping at his own cheeks. “Of course not, I rambled a bit, but my point was that you need to stop dwelling on something you can’t fix.”  Ouch, Louis thought. That hurt more than it should have. “If you truly love Harry, you need to let him go. If he comes back to you, then it was meant to be.”

Louis thought about that for a long time, pulling away from Liam’s embrace and walking over to sit on the couch.  He didn’t know how he was supposed to let Harry go, when Harry was all he wanted and needed. Harry was the love of his life, his soulmate, his sun, he couldn’t just...let him go.  But Liam had a point, that fucker. He always had a point. Louis sighed and wiped at his cheeks, glancing up and looking at Liam, who was already staring down at Louis in worry.

“I have to let him go, Li.  I don’t know how I possibly could, but I need to learn to live without him.”


	5. Chapter 5

Louis realized just how boring he was the minute Liam left with the grocery list.  It wasn’t like he meant the be so boring, but usually he had a curly-headed dork running around filling his days up with laughter and love.  Ilya was down for his nap, so Louis figured he’d just clean up. The house was looking just a bit shabby, and when the boys left to continue their tour in two weeks, he didn’t want to put the mess onto the housekeeper again.

He started first with the kitchen; rinsing off the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher before he swept, mopped, and wiped down every surface he could see before moving on to the next room.  It took him quite a few hours of sweeping, mopping and wiping everything before he made it to his bedroom. 

It was definitely the messiest in the house, because Louis didn’t have Harry standing over him telling him to pick his dirty laundry off of the floor and put it in the laundry basket.  He smiled fondly at the thought, slowly leaning down and picking up the clothes. This room probably took him the longest out of all of them, because every once in a great while, he’d pick up one of Harry’s shirts, and hold it to his nose to see if it still smelled like him (it did).

After the laundry was picked up, he turned towards Harry’s closet, knowing that if he opened it, he wouldn’t be able to stop going through it until Liam got home and physically dragged him away, but before he could get up; someone rapidly knocked at his door.  Louis sighed quietly and stood from his spot on the floor, walking out of the bedroom and down the hall to get to the door. He opens it, ready to chastise Liam for for nearly waking Ilya when his words get caught in his throat.

“H-Harry,” he chokes out, staring at the taller in shock.  Harry smiles sheepishly and runs a hand through his hair. “Mum dropped me off, she told me we used to live together.  She thought maybe it’d spark some memories or something while I get my things.” Louis let him in as he spoke, pausing before shutting the door and looking at him.  “Get your things?” He asked softly, Harry nodding his head slowly. “Yeah, you know, to take back to Mum’s? She only has clothes from when I was a teenager, and everything is kind of tight.”

Louis nodded slowly, trying to ignore the ache in his chest as he turned and gestured for Harry to follow.  He quickly explained why a bunch of his own things were in “Harry’s room”. “I slept in your room for a couple weeks before the accident,” he explained lamely.  “I was having some back problems, and your bed is...more firm,” he turned back after opening Harry’s closet, noticing the look that passes over Harry’s face, but before he can decipher what it means, it’s gone and Harry’s heartwarming smile is beaming at him.

“That’s fine, thanks for letting me know.”  Louis can tell when something is up with Harry, hell, after ten years of being in love with him, he’s surprised he can’t tell you what Harry’s bathroom schedule is.  There’s definitely something wrong, but Harry’s playing it off very well. “Do you need any help? With, packing and stuff?” Harry turned away from the closet and looked at Louis with an odd look in his eyes, Louis couldn’t tell what it was, but Harry smiled small and nodded.  “Yeah, that would be great, Lou. Thank you.”

 

It’s been about an hour of constant folding and placing the clothes neatly in Harry’s bags before Harry finally speaks.  “I have a lot of silk shirts,” he mumbles, Louis chuckling and nodding his head. “Yeah, you always had a thing for your chest tattoos showing.  The fans didn’t complain, and if you were comfortable, we were all comfortable.” Harry paused for a moment, feeling the fabric softly. It was weird to Louis, watching Harry try to remember something.  He looked like trying to remember hurt for some reason, like he was trying to force it.

He opens his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out, Ilya’s cries rush through the baby monitor and scare the living daylights out of the both of them.  “”What was that?!” Harry whisper-yelled, Louis immediately standing. “The baby’s crying, just give me a minute.” As soon as he left the room, he rushed to Ilya and took him out of the bassinet.  He changed him, powdered him, and bounced him in his arms, but nothing was working. He was still wailing in Louis’ ear, and Louis was trying desperately to sing and hum and tickle him to see if he’d calm, but to no avail.

“Let me try, Louis.”  Louis jumps, turning to see Harry standing there, a small frown on the younger’s face.  “What?” He asks, his heart stuttering. “Let me see him, yeah? I could probably calm him.”  Harry’s face is determined, but he has this look, a look Louis’ never seen before. “O-Okay,” Louis mumbles, passing the wailing baby over to the younger, watching as Harry starts to bounce the baby slowly, humming a tune softly into the boy’s ear.  Ilya calms down almost instantly, and Harry smiles small up at Louis. “Just needed h-”

Harry’s smile drops, and he flinches slightly, Louis frowning.  “Harry, are you alright?” Harry didn’t answer, he just quickly walked forward and put the babbling child into the bassinet.  He seemed to try and stable himself on it, placing his hands on either side of it and just clenching his eyes shut. “Hazza, please answer me.  You’re freaking me out,” Louis tells him, stepping forward and placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder. The younger turns and stares at Louis with wide, wet eyes.  “L-Lou,” he whispered, licking his lips as Louis frowned in concern. “Is everything alright?” He asked again, Harry not answering. Instead, he surges forward, clutching Louis’ cheeks in his hands and kisses him hard and unexpected.

Louis makes a startled noise, not reacting to it at first until Harry whimpers softly into his mouth.  He quickly wraps his arms around Harry’s neck, leaning into the kiss and letting the hot tears run down his face, the small whimpers leaving his lips.  His heart jumped to his throat, his stomach dropped into his feet, and his knees nearly gave out, but Harry held him tightly against him.

Harry was the first to pull away, looking down at Louis.  He had tear tracks down his face, and a bright smile on his face.  “I remember, Lou.” He whispered, Louis chuckling through his tears.  “I remember everything. I remember us, I remember Ilya, I remember...I remember the accident.”  Louis nods, looking down at their feet. “God, I was such a dick in the hospital. I’m so sorry, babe.  I was confused, I thought I was sixteen and I had only had a crush on you for like three days at that point,” he told him, smiling softly.  “I was so flustered and confused when you kissed me.”

Louis giggled and shrugged his shoulders.  “You’d already had a crush on me?” He asked him, Harry rolling his eyes and nodding his head.  “Yes, you were cute and funny and all over me. How was I, a sixteen year old, lonely boy, supposed to react?” He teased, Louis chuckling and kissing his lips again.  “I can’t tell you how glad I am you remember, thought I was going crazy waiting for you. I had just talked with Liam about it, asked him what I should do. Fuck, I was so close to breaking.  I love you more than you’ll ever remember,” he whispered, Harry scrunching his face slightly. “I love you too. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

It seemed like they held each other there for hours, though Louis knew that it could have only been for a few minutes.  Regardless of how much time had passed, it was beautiful to just hold Harry in his arms again like nothing had changed. The only sounds echoing in the large room were the sounds of their labored breathing and the baby babbling in his bassinet.

After a few moments, Harry pulled away from Louis’ embrace and glances over at the bassinet.  Ilya looks all too pleased with the spit bubbles he’s blowing, and Harry can’t help but coo as he picks him up and holds him to his chest.  “My beautiful baby boy,” he whispered, pressing feather soft kisses on his face, causing him to giggle. Louis watched the interaction with a wide smile, his chest filling with warmth for the first time in what felt like ages.

“Fucking  _ finally _ !”  Louis jumps and turns, seeing Liam standing in the doorway with bags of groceries in his hands.  He immediately drops them though, and walks over to Harry and Ilya, pressing a wet and dramatic kiss to Harry’s forehead, the younger pulling a face.  Ilya giggled and lightly hit Harry’s chest with his tiny fists. “Glad to know you remember everything. Haven’t had a proper sleep in over a month on that block of wood you twats call a guest bed.”

Harry laughs quietly and shakes his head, but claps a hand over Liam’s shoulder.  “Thanks for taking care of him, Li. You can go home if you’d like.” Harry tells him, and Liam rolls his eyes.  “If you need some  _ alone time _ I can leave, just tell me.”  Harry blushes, which Louis finds adorable, and Louis rolls his eyes.  “We don’t go back on tour for three more weeks, Liam. We have plenty of time for that.”  By the time Louis finishes his sentence, Liam is already halfway out the door, plugging his ears and singing “lalala” to block out Louis’ voice.

The door shuts behind him, and Louis looks at Harry.  Ilya is dozing off in his arms, and Harry is slowly putting him back into the bassinet.  When he’s finished, Harry turns toward the smaller and steps towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist and slipping his hands into Louis’ back pockets.  “So, do you want to..?” Harry pulls Louis closer by his bum, and Louis gasps, smiled on his lips. “You’ve known about us for twenty minutes and you already want to have sex.  Honestly, Styles. I’m not that kind of boy,” he teases, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck. Harry smirks down at him, biting his bottom lip as his eyes flicker to Louis’ mouth.

“I highly doubt that, Tomlinson.”


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bunch of cheesy shit ensues because i'm a sucker for happy endings

The roar of the crowd was loud enough for the boys to hear halfway down the road.  This was where they were meant to be, until they were grey and old and could barely walk, let alone dance around like a bunch of idiots.  Louis was vibrating under his skin as he held Harry, the car ride there more nerve-wracking than the fact that it’s their second concert. Harry notices how nervous he is, and squeezes his leg.  “Lou, everything is fine. We’re a block away and going ten under the speed limit.” He told him quietly, Louis sighing softly and tightening his hold on Harry.

“I know, it’s just hard.  I can’t help but think about that night anytime we get into a car, even if I’m the one driving.” He said quietly, the younger nodding against his shoulder.  “I get that, I do, but you’re never going to get over that fear until you let go of what happened.” A soft huff of air left Louis’ lips as he leaned over and kissed the top of Harry’s head.  He didn’t speak after that, just listening to the soft hum of the car and the dull roar of the stadium fifty feet away.

The four boys pile out of the car, shoving each other playfully and cackling loudly into the air as they walked towards the doors, the roaring getting louder.  When they were this close, Louis could hear what they were saying. They were chanting, shouting for the boys to come on already, even though the concert wouldn’t start for another fifteen minutes.  He could barely hear the music playing over the loudspeakers, but he recognized the chorus to _Act My Age_ , his smile growing at the sound of Niall’s voice.  He looked over at the brunette, chuckling softly as he watched him and Harry interact.

Harry had told Louis that him and Niall had gotten closer since the accident, which seemed to make Harry light up anytime the Irish lad came into the room.  Louis was thankful for Niall, he knew that there were things he talked about with his boy that Louis didn’t, and he was glad he had that connection with someone.

Niall was still limping, his ACL a bit tender, but as Niall told their tour managers multiple times; “The doctors say it’s fine as long as I’m easy on it.”  Louis can still hear the way Harry chuckled and shook his head at the way Simon rolled his eyes, reluctantly agreeing to let Niall tour again. Louis shudders slightly at the thought of the man, how he’s successfully scared the boys into keeping their relationship a secret.  God, Louis couldn’t stand him. He knew Harry was too nice to say how he felt about the older, but Louis has seen the way Harry tensed anytime he was mentioned.

They were hooked up as soon as they walked towards the backstage area, the crowd’s roar blocking out some of the crew’s chastising.  Louis couldn’t believe their fans were still so loyal and dedicated. It’s never made sense to him, but even now, after five years, he still can’t tell you the appeal, but he decided not to question it.  He grinned at the boys, noticing how everyone seemed to be vibrating with excitement.

“Do you think they’ll suspect anything?” Niall asked over the screams, Louis shook his head.  “From what we’re about to pull?” Liam spoke up, snickering. “Not in a million fucking years.”

 

The concert went well for the most part, Liam and Louis got into another one of their water fights, to which the fans went crazy for, as per usual.  Louis slipped and fell flat on his face, to which Harry ran over to him quickly and helped him up, causing the fans to scream louder than before, shocked at the interaction.  If Louis were honest, he was shocked as well. Harry looked startled as well as he ran in the other direction, bopping his head to _Olivia_ (this version had the trumpets, Louis made sure of that.)

As soon as that song ended, the piano of _Sign of the Times_ began and everyone’s screams vibrated the entire arena.  “Good evening, London!” Liam shouted into the mic, the crowd calling back to him.  “We’ve got five songs left, are you ready?!” Louis’ ears were ringing by the time he could hear Harry begin singing, so he assumed they were totally ready.

Harry crushed _Sign of the Times_ , the boys helped sing the harmonies, but they let him have his moment.  Niall was next, and when _This Town_ began, everyone’s flashlights were pointed to the stage, swaying beautifully to the song.  It went on like that for the whole song, the boys tearing up a little bit when it ended, just grinning at one another.

When _Just Hold On_ began, everyone in the arena nearly lost their shit, and Louis couldn’t help but grin as he sang the lyrics with all he had.  It was beautiful, hearing the fans scream the words he’d written for his mum years ago. “You sing!” He shouted into the mic, the audience screaming the chorus right back at him before he finished with “darling, just hold on.”  This whole moment was surreal, almost. He turned back to the boys, grinning wildly as they all sent him a huge thumbs up.

They spoke to the crowd a bit after _Just Hold On_ , which was a good and bad thing at this point.  It was good because it let them prepare what they were about to pull as Harry did his iconic _oh yeah_ ’s.  It was bad because it let Louis overthink everything that was about the happen.  His heart started racing at the thought, because this wasn’t planned. None of the tour managers knew what was going on, and they wanted it that way.  They wanted everything to be a shock to everyone, and that’s what it was going to be.

Finally, _Strip That Down_ started playing through the speakers, and everyone began jumping to the beat as Liam sang and started to dance.  Louis had laughed at that and mimicked him, making a few girls in the row next to him laugh loudly over the music.  They were all on top of the world, they all took turns singing Quavo’s part, which sounded and looked absolutely ridiculous, making the crowd scream and fling water onto the stage, to which Liam slipped on mid-lyric and screeched into the mic as he fell.  Everyone, including Louis, laughed harder than they probably should have.

Louis was on the floor by then, tears running down his face as his laughs turned into wheezes and his stomach was aching from the convulsing.  Louis stood from the ground, taking a sip of his water as the song ended and the crowd cheered. He looked around, the four of them silent as the fans screamed.  After a few minutes, the fans noticed the silence from the stage, and that they’d only played four songs out of the five. They began chanting then, _fifth song, fifth song_ , radiating through the arena, making Louis’ ears ring with it.

He grinned at the other boys, shrugging his shoulders, lifting his mic to his mouth as he pointed to the band.  “You heard ‘em!” He shouted. The guitars kicked in, the drums and bass joining after a moment, and the entire crowd went silent in shock.  The screen no one seemed to notice lit up, a single silhouette standing behind it, illuminated by the spotlight. _“Climb on board,”_ the screen dropped, Zayn stepped over it and towards the other boys.  It was still silent in the area, except for the slight buzz of everyone quietly freaking the fuck out because, oh my _God_ , it was _Zayn_!

Zayn pulled the mic from his mouth, pointing to Harry to take the pre-chorus as he made a b-line for Liam.  Everyone, including the boys on stage, watched in shock, Liam frozen in his spot. He stood right in front of him, and just as Niall sang the first verse of the chorus, Zayn gripped Liam by his shirt, pulled him closer, and pressed their lips together roughly.

If Louis thought the crowd was loud when they were outside the arena, he knew now that his ears would ring for days after this.  They erupted in shocked screams, and Louis watched as a few of them in the first few rows dropped to the ground, security rushing towards them to see if they were alright.  Zayn pulled away from Liam, looking him in the face and bringing the mic up to his mouth. “There’s no way I’m letting a few twats get in the way of getting what I want.”

He turned away after that, Liam’s face plastered on the screen (that was a hilarious picture, Louis thought.  He was standing there with wide eyes, swollen wet lips, and red cheeks. He looked proper confused, but not upset).

After a moment, Louis turned and looked at Harry, who was singing the harmony to _Pillowtalk_ to a few fans in the crowd.  He looked happy, happier than he’s been in awhile, and Louis knew it was because he was doing what he loved to do.  Louis couldn’t keep his eyes off of the younger, and before he knew it he was walking towards Harry with renewed confidence.  He could hear a few people in the crowd shout out, noticing the way he pursued the younger boy.

It seemed that Harry noticed the way people were freaking out, and he turned just as the song ended, being met with Louis gripping the back of his neck and slamming their lips together, both of their microphones hitting the ground with a loud thud that echoed through the speakers.  Louis felt Harry’s hands hold his hips tightly, and it took the younger a few seconds to respond to the kiss, but nonetheless, he did, and they were kissing in front of thousands of fans.

The fans were so loud, Louis could feel the vibrations of their screams in his toes, and it was beautiful.

Louis pulled away from Harry just as the song ended, grinning slightly and leaning up to playfully lick Harry’s nose.  They all made their way to the edge of the stage, holding each other’s waists and bowing, everyone’s voices screaming at them.  When they stand up straight, Zayn brings up his mic and laughs quietly into it before speaking. “Thank you all for coming out tonight!”  He looked at both sides of him, the four boys tearing up and grinning at him. Louis was ecstatic as they all lifted their mics, counted to three on their fingers, and shouted into their mics in unison.

 

“We’re One Direction!”

 

_fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !!  
> this fic was a hot mess, but i mean hey, i tried and it's the first one i've finished and actually enjoyed writing !! the ziam kiss wasn't planned, to be completely honest, but i felt like it was necessary since liam wasn't originally going to get his happy ending, ya know ? i'm gonna let this sit for a bit as i continue working on other things and when i feel the time is right, i'm going to do some MAJOR editing because i didn't edit while i was writing it, lol.  
> i hope you enjoyed !! i sure as hell loved writing it ! i've had this idea for a hot minute, to be honest. it was originally going to be louis x original character (who would die in the accident) and then harry would audition and he'd hate him at first, but i felt this version was more heart wrenching, ya know ?  
> anyways, this is the end ! thank y'all so much for reading, it definitely boosted my confidence as a writer (seeing people actually read my shitty fic, haha).  
> much love, xx


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